Opinions about reading I got at my job. And how I wish I could respond.
From A to Z!
A. "I don't like reading books." "Ever tried?" "Not really." "You suck."
B. "I believe reading is unimportant." "Your belief is unimportant and sick."
C. "I don't care to know anything about books." "You don't care to know anything about anything other than ruminating your dinner."
D. "I don't know why people like reading." "Because we have the ability to read and understand beautiful things."
E. "People who read are lonely antisocials." "I smell books burning. Do you smell Fahrenheit 451?"
F. "What does it matter that millions consider it high art? What's that got to do with me?" "Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. Art is valuable. It's got nothing to do with you."
G. "Even though I know that reading will bring me benefits, I don't get even close to it." (This one appeared when I recommended graded books for studying English. It made me sick.)
H. "Reading is a waste of time!" "And listening to you should be forbidden."
I. "I can't concetrate in reading because my mind is set on more important things." "Don't gimme any of that! Your brain is set on standby!"
J. "Reading books is schoolyard punishment. Teachers provide readings when they're too lazy to teach a real class." "Your teacher must have given you Pauno Cuelho to read."
K. "Literature is for faggots!" "Agreed. Faggots are statistically more intelligent."
L. "It's literature! WHO can UNDERSTAND literature?" "Certainly not you or your family."
M. "The objective of my existence is making money, not reading books." "The objective of your existence is being a moron."
N. "I've never read a poem." "You never went to school, either."
O. "I can't understand poems." "You never went to school, either."
P. "Dictionaries are for stupid people." "You must have a million back home."
Q. "English-English dictionaries are stupid! They don't translate the words!" "Why do you think that's so? There's your picture in one of them. Look up 'retard'."
R. "The only book worth reading is the Hole-y Bible." "Because it was written by God, right?"
S. "Of course I like reading! I've read all Harry Potters, The Da Vinci Code, Kite Runner and now I'm reading Twilight!" (pronounced Twee-light, most of the time) "You should start reading real books, if you really wanna try."
T. "Of course I like reading! I buy Capricho every month!" "And you'll get a boob job when you're 13, too."
U. "Of course I like reading! I have a Veja subscription!" "Is that your brain coming outta your nose?"
V. "I'd rather see the movie." "I'd rather see you walking away."
W. "I'd rather read the summary." "I'd rather read a note about your whole family in the obituary."
X. "You like reading!? What a nerd!" "Thanks, neanderthal."
Y. "Fun??? How can READING be fun???" "It's funnier that talking to you."
and last, but not least:
Z. "Reading won't make me any more intelligent than watching Big Brother." "Pull out .45 and shoot until I'm relaxed."
